I’ve seen fear-mongering in action. And I’ve seen how well it works.

The media uses fear to control the population everyday. (like you didn’t already know that)

And with that idea ruminating around in my brain I thought I’d give fear-mongering a try. Because #suicideisstupid and if these awful, ugly images can stay your hand for even a day, then I will be happy.

Suicide is not beautiful. It’s not poetic. ITS UGLY. It’s coughing, and snot and blood and loss of respect. It’s split flesh. It’s stains on the floor. It’s the cold side of the bed that used to be warm. Its pissing on yourself.

It’s how you will be remembered.

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#suicideisstupid

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Believe it or not, I didn’t start out as a bad ass photo editor. Nope. I worked my way up doing normal, boring photo shoots like Joe Blow. Just like the little people.

I work full time at a dog grooming shop during the day. My nights and weekends are full of maternity shoots, family portraits, weddings, birthdays, newborn, boudoir, etc. And while I enjoy these (mostly the money), these types of shoots don’t tickle my fancy the way that photo editing does. That’s why I try to make sure and throw in a fun and challenging photo shoot that requires lots of editing every once in a while. (I don’t get paid for these yet. But they keep my spirit alive!)

One of my other passions is Equine Photography. I’ve been riding for twenty years and find, like most people, that horses possess a grace and sincerity that longs to be photographed.

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Although, anyone who works with animals know how unpredictable they can be. That’s probably why I love it so much. Photographing horses is enough of a challenge to tickle that fancy I was just talking about (And a good fancy just needs to be tickled. Trust me).

For every beautiful, graceful shot of a horse running through a field, is a photographer, sweaty, laying in a pile of fresh crap.

I took this picture lying underneath a jump, surrounded by horse shit, as a 1200 lb beast jumped over me. It made me pucker, that’s for sure.

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Especially because a few minutes later he did this:

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I have not been to one horse shoot where the animal didn’t have a diva moment at some point.

This shot: loralee14donebw

Preceded this shot:

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And these ones:

Led to this one:

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See what I’m getting at? Equine photography is most certainly NOT boring. And that’s what draws me to it.

Don’t get me wrong, my paid weekend shoots are awesome. People actually hand me money to photograph them (Thief Baggins!). But at the end of every shoot I am left uninspired and a little dead inside. I am an artist! And I need to be challenged! (Too bad the market for horse photography is dead in my area. Cowboys love their iphones apparently).

One day I will meld my love for horse photography with photo editing and create some magic. I just need to find a willing model. In the meantime, these two different facets of photography will remain in different folders on my computer. *sigh*

Sometimes I love my weird brain. Sometimes I don’t.

Sometimes my brain says “Hey! Let’s recreate the four elements using sexy models!”

Cool idea, brain!!

Sometimes my brain says “Hey bitch, you’re gonna find a sexy model, somehow convince her to follow you into a creepy abandoned building in the middle of bum fuck Egypt, and throw cups of baby powder at her face”.

Um…..what?

“Yup! Convince that hoe this needs to happen”

So as you can see, my stupid brain wouldn’t stop nagging me until I made this happen. And I’ve learned to listen to my weird brain, after all, it was the one who told me to start this blog.

Que model Leilani Mallet. She and I have worked together before. Leilani is up for anything! At our last shoot we snuck onto a movie set, snapped some shots, and then got kicked out. Fun times.

We prepared for such shenanigans this time around. We packed water, baby powder, extra outfits, music, baby wipes, coconut oil (which somehow fixes everything) and camera equipment, and headed out.

My vision was for an elegantly dancing woman, surrounded by rubble and destruction, making scary monster faces. I envisioned darkness, black and white, depth, emotion, grace. But rarely do photo shoots turn out the way I plan.

My cousin and auntie volunteered their time and help for this shoot (thank gawd!) and they scouted out several locations for me days prior.

I told Katherine I wanted dark, scary, abandoned and dilapidated. Boy did she deliver!

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Especially on the scary part.

We used three separate locations. Each had its own charm. The first was a gorgeous run down “house” full of debri, rusty nails sticking straight up out of the floor, insulation falling on us from the ceiling and glass everywhere. It was amazing.

Leilani dressed in a black leotard and we got to work. I asked her for “Beautiful body, ugly face”

This is what she gave me:

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Gorgeous! But it was still brighter than I wanted. Time constrictions forced us to shoot during the day. Nothing a little photo shop can’t fix!

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Boom!

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And boom!

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And boom x3!

The next location was only a few miles away and we drove there with excitement. Little did we know we’d arrive at satan’s armpit with all the undue excitment of children going to the dentist for the first time.

The beautiful graffiti on the walls belied the disgustingness of this awful place; dirty underwear littered the floor, accompanied by millions of glass shards, more debri, and an old mattress that I’m sure has seen some awful shit. And wouldn’t you know, we even found a bum’s last meal.

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Mmmmm.

I needed Leilani barefoot for this shoot. And I’m so lucky my assistants brought a broom with them.

As we went spelunking deeper into the abyss (trying not to catch an STD in the process) we happened upon a lovely brick wall. White. A pure white brick wall people. 

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Ok so it was not in my vision to have white. But I somehow loved the look, and I immediately saw the potential.

Leilani changed into a white leotard, we swept the floor and got to work.

My two assistants, Katherine and Teresa stood off to the sides holding cups of baby powder to throw at Leilani. Some shots came out PERFECT.


Others….not so much.

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We are not professional powder throwers.

What was perfect about this shoot was that Leilani gave her all. If I asked her to jump, she jumped (I cringed at the sound of her feet hitting the concrete painfully). If I asked her to contort her body but keep her face serene, she did it.

Sweat was pouring down her face, covered in baby powder, muscles sore, surrounded by societies cast offs and a homeless man’s ball sweat.

But not once did she complain. Bless her heart.

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We were surrounded by destruction, as I had planned, but I hadn’t planned on creating such beauty in the thick of it. We were essentially in the forgotten parts of the world. A house once loved and warm, now abandoned and hopeless.

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I’d like to think we brought some forgotten happiness to those locations as we tried our damndest to make it worth something.

We could see what we had accomplished, even as the powder created balls of dough in our noses.

Let me know what you think of Leilani in the comments!

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Happy shooting! Happy editing!