Alillia – “I don’t feel like I’m more special than anyone else but I feel like I am JUST as special as everyone else”
What is the most interesting thing about you?
“The most interesting thing about me is all the different variables that came together to make who I am. They’re kind of strange. Like I grew up in Phelan. Most people don’t know what Phelan is. Their like what’s that? Like a disease?
And I’m black and from Phelan and people ask “Do black people live there?” A few. And also I’m the daughter of ultra conservative Christian preachers, who believe in a form of Christianity that most modern people do not practice.
And then I turn out to be bi-sexual and pan-sexual, and poly-amorous and not christian at all. Kind of a freak. I don’t know how much of that is in reaction to the ultra conservative upbringing or not. It’s made me to be a very interesting mix of like black-womanist-hippie-alien child.
Is there something that is special about you that you feel makes you more special that everyone else?
Well I’ve always been hoping that was the case. That I was more special than everyone else. And I keep waiting for my magical powers to appear. They haven’t yet. I figure there is still time you know. Thirty one is not too late to develop latent magical ability. I’ve been waiting.
When Harry Potter came out I was like maybe I’m just a late bloomer. Where is my letter? I know I don’t belong here. My aunt said when I was like three I knew how to use the telephone and I would call her up and tell her to come get me, and take me out of here. And I remember being depressed at three, like crying everyday and feeling like I couldn’t do everything that I was supposed to. Like I already knew then that I didn’t fit the norm. And I remember calling her and she would come get me and take me to work with her. She worked in Riverside with LGBT activists, and I was like the little office pet.
I have magical listening powers! I know that is some thing really special about me. I am a safe place for people, a lot of people come out to me in various ways because they felt that I was the person who could handle that. I think that kind of translates to other part of me too like the way I emote through art and music. I don’t really know anyone else who does any of those things the way that I do.
What makes me special? Oh god, hmm….I don’t feel like I’m more special than anyone else but I feel like I am JUST as special as everyone else.
I’m still here. That is something really special about me. I’m still here…..